Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
