last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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