Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
