Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
