plz talk dirty to me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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