if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
