Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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