brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
