I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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