you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
