and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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