My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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