I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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