A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
