He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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