He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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