erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
