he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
