Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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