you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
