Umm I'm too high to move.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
