i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
