my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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