i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Who died my cat blue again?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
