I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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