Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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