Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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