So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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