I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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