so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
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Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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