singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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