Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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