he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
