whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
