I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
