This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
