I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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