...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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