Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
