I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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