my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
