Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
