I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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