White coat. Heels.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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