woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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