we have officially lost it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
