too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
