I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
