I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
