She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just had sex on a roof
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
