he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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