Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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