For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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