so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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