Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
