Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
