I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
