My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
