Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
