I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
