Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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