The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
