Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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