just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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