I didn't shave. On purpose
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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