Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
