why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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