Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
