you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
