SEEEEXXX PLEASE
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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