You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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