dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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