dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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