I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
